I love you, Misao
by bucketfullofmilk
Summary: A songfic done in Aoshi's POV. Takes place after the Shishio incident. Is four years enough for Aoshi to move on and finally love Misao?


AN: Disclaimers on everything I don't own.

Yatta! It's finally out! :)) The reason why I haven't updated my story yet. This wouldn't leave me be so I had to write it down. My first ever songfic! Haha. When I heard this song again after what, two years? I immediately saw it as the perfect song to describe how I think Aoshi felt after the accident. Oh and if possible, do listen to the song while reading this, you'll appreciate it more. :) The song is You First Believed by Hoku. :)

R&R my loves! (I've wanted to used that for so long now. :)))

Enjoy!

* * *

><p><em>How many times did I pray you'd find me...<em>_  
><em>_How many wishes on a star,__  
><em>_Gazing off into the dark__  
><em>_Dreaming I'd see your face__  
><em>_Safe at home unafraid,__  
><em>_Captured in your embrace._

It was nightfall when Aoshi finished his nightly round. After getting a job in the government as a body guard only a month ago, job assignments never stopped. He was currently assigned to guard an Ambassador from France. He laid on the roof, looking at the dark sky as he rested. He'd been on this assignment for a month and though he would tell no one, he missed the Aoiya and its residents terribly. He missed her, his Misao. Aoshi's heart beat faster at the mere thought of her. No words could describe the joy he felt when he would call Misao his, no words worthy enough of describing what he felt when he finally claimed her, all of her. Misao, the girl he helped raise and left when she was barely a youth had grown up into the most beautiful woman he had ever beheld, both inside and out. She was perfect and he could never forget the day he finally gave in.

_So many times when my heart was broken,__  
><em>_Visions of you would keep me strong.__  
><em>_You were with me all along,__  
><em>_Guiding my every step.__  
><em>_You are all that I am__  
><em>_And I'll never forget.__  
><em>

How someone could ever be so unselfish, Aoshi could never understand. But that was who Misao was: purely, utterly selfless. When Aoshi came back from the ordeal with Shishio, he was a broken man. His heart was shattered, but something held it together. Somehow, a thin thread seemed to keep the pieces from permanently falling and making him hollow. His fight with Kenshin revealed to him what that thread was.

_It was you, who first believed__  
><em>_In all that I was made to be.__  
><em>_It was you, looking in my eyes.__  
><em>_You held my hand and showed me life.__  
><em>_And I've never been the same,__  
><em>_Since you first believed.__  
><em>

It was Misao. His heart wrenched at the thought of her crying over him. When he told her he never wanted to see her again, the threads binding his heart almost snapped. But it didn't, because deep down he knew that he loved, needed Misao. And as he looked into her eyes as she ran to him the night Kenshin, Sano and he came back he felt the foundations of his wall cracking. Her eyes were filled with relief, hope and love. Love that never dimmed even when he almost killed Okina.

For four years, Misao served him, day in day out. She would make him breakfast, bring him lunch at the temple, bring him tea in the afternoon, prepare his dinner, wash his clothes and heat his bath. She did this constantly, without even a single complaint escaping her lips.

_There were times when I thought I'd lost you,_  
><em>Fearing forever was a dream.<em>  
><em>But it wasn't what it seemed,<em>  
><em>Placing your hand in mine,<em>  
><em>You could see in the dark,<em>  
><em>You were guiding my heart.<em>

Numerous times, Aoshi had overheard Omasu, Okon and even Okina tell Misao to move on, to go find a husband and settle down. Though it crushed him, Aoshi agreed with them, even going as far as to tell Misao that she should not continue wasting her time on him, because he did not return her affections. Misao refused, stubbornly ignoring what he said and continued to serve him. Aoshi knew he hurt her, and even if Misao still looked like the happy girl she was, he wasn't fooled. He saw that her smile didn't reach her eyes. Her eyes, which were once vibrant ocean orbs lost their spark.

But he continued as he was, his days only spent at the temple. He did so until _that _night. He returned to the Aoiya just as evening came, going straight into the dining hall. His plate was set on the table but the food wasn't there yet. He found it odd but took no heed of it and sat on his usual place, closing his eyes. Only when he heard her did he reopen his eyes. It was distant, the sound of her cries. He stood up, straining his ears. It sounded like she was trying to stop her sobs, but failed. He walked over to her room, stopping just outside her shoji. He opened it and saw Misao curled on her futon, holding a paper crane he had given her when she was still a child. She was biting her lip, trying to stop herself from crying as she turned so that he could not see her face.

"Misao?" Aoshi's voice was cold, with only traces of concern. He looked at Misao's curled form resisting the urge to holdand cradle her in his arms.

"A-Aoshi-sama. I am alright. I'm just feeling bad. I'll be down in a few minutes to serve your dinner." Misao was still crying, her voice shaky.

"No it is fi-"

"Ah gomen! Aoshi-sama, you must be very hungry. I am sorry for being selfish." Misao stood up immediately and bowed to Aoshi, saying sorry several times more. She kept her gaze on the floor as she continued to apologize, wiping her face and put on her sandals.

"STOP!" Misao stilled. She looked at Aoshi with wide eyes. Aoshi was standing still, looking directly at her with his hands fisted on either side, shaking.

"Why are you still here? Why do you still continue to serve me? Why are you so stubborn? You keep doing this, hurting yourself. Did I not tell you that I do not feel the way you do? Did I not tell you to go marry and have a family? Why, why Misao do you choose to stay here and serve someone as filthy and unworthy as me? Do you not have any love for yourself?" Aoshi had had enough. With each day, he saw Misao break more and more. She was slowly dying, turning into what he was. He was filled with bitterness and self-hate, and Misao was going to be too soon, if she didn't leave him.

Misao looked at Aoshi, love and warmth returning to her dull eyes. She understood now, why Aoshi kept to himself. He though himself undeserving, but how wrong he was! Misao stood up and walked to him, stopping directly in front of him and took hold of his hands, trying as much to cover them with her smaller ones.

"I do, Aoshi-sama. I love myself. And that's why I'm still here. I love myself enough to be honest that my happiness _is _you. I can leave and rebuild my life, I can start a family and maybe even find someone else to love, but it won't, it will never be the same as loving you. My opinion of you never changed, my faith in you hasn't wavered. Even if I said long ago that I would never look up to you again, I still do. Because that's who I am, Aoshi-sama. I am Misao Makimachi, a girl born into the ninja world, raised by the best, most loving people anyone could ever have. The young me loved following you around, love playing with you, loved hearing stories from you."

Misao let go of his hands to cup Aoshi's cheeks as she stared even deeper into his eyes. "The Misao in front of you now, still loves following you, loves serving you tea, loves cooking for you, loves washing your clothes. The Misao in front of you now will never leave you, no matter how much you tell her to. The Misao before you now…loves you. I love you – for who you are and despite everything you've done. I love you, Aoshi."

Misao finished, biting her lower lip to try and stop it from shaking. She allowed herself to wrap her hands around Aoshi's waist. hugging him. She cried on his chest as she felt a huge weight lift from her shoulders. She finally told him, everything. She could only hope that that would be enough for him to finally forgive himself. As much as she hated to admit it, she did not have anything left to give. She could only hope…

_It was you, who first believed_  
><em>In all that I was made to be.<em>  
><em>It was you, looking in my eyes.<em>  
><em>You held my hand and showed me life.<em>  
><em>And I've never been the same,<em>  
><em>Since you first believed.<em>

Aoshi stood still. His mind couldn't comprehend everything Misao said, but his heart could. For the first time in so many years, he felt something akin to happiness erupt in his chest. Misao pulled the strings that held the teetering pieces of his heart, finally making it whole. The years she spent with him, offering her time, devotion and love selflessly were years she also spent gently tugging at his heartstrings. And now, Aoshi was free. Free of the guilt and self-loathing that filled his soul. He enveloped Misao, tears spilling from his eyes freely as he bent so that their foreheads touched.

They stood there, seconds, minutes, hours. They didn't count. Wordlessly, Aoshi lifted Misao's chin gently with his hand and looked once more into the pair of deep blue eyes, owned by the only person who stayed with him through everything. He dropped his façade and showed Misao every emotion he hid. The fear, hurt, bitterness. Misao saw everything. But it was gone as soon as it appeared. It was replaced with a look that Misao would forever see, from then on. Aoshi looked at Misao with all the love he could ever give, and kissed her.

Aoshi kissed her softly at first, then hungrier as Misao started to respond. His hands tightened around her waist as he deepened the kiss, Misao's hands wrapping around his neck as a new set of tears sprung from her closed eyes. Complete, utter joy filled them both. Aoshi had to will himself to stop and as he did, he pulled away from Misao, wiping her tears with his hands.

"I love you, Misao." That had been enough for her. Misao could ask for no more as Aoshi closed the shoji and kissed her. No more words were said as they lay on the futon, their bodies joining and their souls merging, completing them both. Aoshi was finally where he should be and as he held Misao in his arms, their bodies still entwined as they drifted off, he knew Misao was the only one he could ever love. He wrapped his arms around her tighter – he would never again leave Misao, not now, not ever.

_It was you, who first believed__  
><em>_In all that I was made to be.__  
><em>_It was you, looking in my eyes.__  
><em>_You held my hand and you showed me life.__  
><em>_And I've never been the same,__  
><em>_Since you first believed._

_How many times did I pray you'd find me..._

_How many wishes on a star...__  
><em>


End file.
